she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
