I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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