My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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