would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My hand turned me down
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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