never play flip cup with pint glasses
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
