He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
