i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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