Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is Oprah even human
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
