just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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