I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
