I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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