you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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