you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
