i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
