i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
