splinters make it hard to masturbate
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
