Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
