so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
