Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
