You just made me feel so damn special
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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