When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
