Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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