think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
