Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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