he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
