so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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