I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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