Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
