I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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