Who did Billy Mays play for?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
