she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize