im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
