When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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