dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
