1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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