And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
