Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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