Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
