I got chris browned last night
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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