??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i barfeds in our rink
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I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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