I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
