How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
