There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
