just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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