Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
