My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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