New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
