Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
