I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
