Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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