Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
