Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
