I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
