ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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