So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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