Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
