Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
