And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
