My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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