Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
