i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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