i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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