There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
