I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
