How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
