You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize