i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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