My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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